All Over the Place

This post might contain a little bit of everything but these are things that have been on my mind a lot lately. Some of them might resonate with you more than others but that's okay. Yesterday I turned 24. Not that I am old by any means but I spent a good chunk of the day yesterday in a contemplative state. A full day of phone calls and emails and meetings at work gave me plenty of time to sit and think. And here's what I thought about:

1. Expectations of failure never quite turn out the way we think. I had a track coach in high school who repeatedly said, "No fear of failure." It's a mantra I should have adopted in my garden this summer. I had never had a garden and didn't know what would happen. I anticipated more plants dying, not watering them enough, rabbits getting into the garden and eating the early plants, etc. None of it happened. I expected a certain amount of failure and now I'm up to my eyeballs in tomatoes. Also taking suggestions for what to do with so many of them...

2. Time goes faster the older you get. Last night I had drinks with a girl I met in preschool. We now find ourselves 20 years later living in the same city. It doesn't seem that long ago we were going to tumbling together every Tuesday night but now we have adult jobs and are living on our own. She told me about her brothers being well into their school years and I still picture them as little toddlers. Stepping away and not seeing something, be it people or buildings or cities, you realize how much can change in the blink of an eye.

3. Always use a travel coffee mug when transporting hot liquids in a moving vehicle. This one is actually from this morning. I spilled my coffee on my dress and car seat this morning as I was pulling out of my driveway. There was no time to turn around and fix it. I just had to go. Luckily I wore an abstractly patterned dress. Other than smelling like Mississippi Grogg coffee, I don't think anyone will notice the stain because it blends in so well. Nonetheless, use a lid whenever possible. Not that I didn't already know this but it's always a good reminder.

4. In the age of telemarketers I'm not surprised no one answers a call from a strange and unknown phone number. I make a lot of phone calls on a regular basis. I can only assume people don't like answering strange numbers because they assume I am some automated scam on the other line. They don't want to be bothered with such a nuisance. Maybe I'm wrong. Who knows but that's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

5. Why are we so bad at taking care of our own health but never miss a vet appointment for our pets? I haven't taken a multi-vitamin in weeks. My salad kick ended months ago. I haven't been great at working out lately because of an unpredictable schedule. But by golly I am going to the vet tonight so that my dog can get her monthly flea medication to take tomorrow. No way around that. I don't know at what point we start putting other people and pet's health in front of our own but it has happened to me and it makes me feel like a 40 year mom of 5.

And here's a cute picture of my dog to remind me to go to the vet tonight.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

This past weekend I went to a wedding of someone I didn't know. I was a plus one to a wedding to a long time family friend of my fiancé's family. It was a nice opportunity to attend a wedding and take notes for my own because I didn't know the couple. It was an unbiased chance to look at design elements, program wording, and timeline layout without considering how much it represented the couple.

I had a conversation with other guests during the cocktail hour about the comparisons and judgements at weddings. I had to laugh as the man commented that his daughters better have flawless weddings because they always had something negative to say about other people's nuptials. It got me thinking: we all do it. We walk away having something bad to say. The bride and groom and their families put a lot of time and effort into this day for every guest to rip it to shreds.

The wedding I most recently attended was actually quite lovely. With the exception of the microphone not working while the bride and groom recited their personally written vows, the rest of the day was great. The church was appropriately sized for the size of the wedding. The bridesmaids had cute dresses they all looked good in and carried a simple arrangement of flowers. The groomsmen looked quite spiffy in their tuxes. The reception space was downtown and quite hip (little jealous of the original floor tile; wish I had that in my bathroom at home) with more than enough space for all the guests. I had a great meal of chicken and the pasta helping for the alternate entrée was massive. We had donuts for a cute and personal reason to the couple. The dance had an extremely high participation rate; more than half the guests were out there busting moves. I'm quite sure the groom's family is in a swing dance club because they all knew how to do it.

I walked away with a plethora of ideas: how to do a receiving line, songs I had completely forgotten about but needed to be on my wedding dance list, a plan of attack for RSVP card wording so that I knew who would be showing up and what they wanted to eat. The list goes on and on. I saw different set ups for aspects I hadn't even considered but will definitely need to, like place cards and diagrams for seating arrangements. And I too walked away with my judgements. I wouldn't call them bad; the wedding was fabulous itself. I would call my opinions my preferences. I wouldn't "fill in the blank" that way for my own wedding but it worked for them. It did not take away from the wedding experience. The efficiency freak within me didn't like how particular things were laid out but other guests didn't seem to notice or mind. My opinions simply didn't need to be shared, nor did anyone else's.

We all find nitpicky things to lock in on at weddings. It's become a habit for many people. As soon as we leave the ceremony/cocktail/reception/dance space we spill every critical detail we were holding inside. In reality, we all have preferences and they don't have to line up with the bride and groom's. The bride and groom had a blast on their big day and no one's opinion is going to ruin the joy they felt that day.

Why yes, we did meet on the track team...

The other night I went to a networking event for young professionals in the Des Moines area. I entered the building with a few other girls who looked about my age. They had just graduated from Iowa State in the spring and were excited about their first jobs out of college; their enthusiasm was cute as they talked about having work phones, professional clothes, and business cards. We were swapping stories about our personal lives when one of them noticed my engagement ring. She thought it was gorgeous and couldn't get over how pretty it was. At this time I will thank my fiancé for buying a lovely ring (side note: I took him to a jewelry store to show him exactly what I wanted but he had to go buy it all by himself, something I highly recommend to all people dating that are considering engagement ring shopping alone vs. together).

Anyway, back to the girl who loved my ring. She said something that struck me as funny. She quite simply stated, "I'm not even close to getting engaged." She has been with her boyfriend a few months now but doesn't feel ready to be attached for life. To each their own on their relationship path; if you're happy I can get behind your happiness. I started thinking about my own relationship (and wedding website that is a work in progress) and how I got to this point.

I was not one to have lots of boyfriends in high school (or even middle school for that matter). I just wasn't. I had friends that were girls and I liked hanging out with the guys I went to high school with but many of them were tied to girls in other grades or had their sights set on someone unattainable. I went to college pretty much convinced I would die with a couple pets and spend a lot of time reading. Quite sure my family put down bets one year as to when I would get married with the earliest date being like 2040. During my freshman year of college the number of guys available to me increased immensely. There were several nice guys on campus but lots of girls liked them and I didn't stand a chance.

I ran track my freshman year as well. There was this random guy that was a sprinter and he was kinda scary looking because he didn't smile much and he was really good at the 100 meter dash. There was running joke about him being a convict because he had big arms and a tattoo. I think I knew his name. He definitely didn't know mine. Fast forward to the fall and my friend Jesse and I decided to make a habit of attending offseason fall workouts pretty religiously. We also decided to befriend some of the other guys there (there was only 1 other girl and we were already her friend). One guy was named Cole. Cole will tell you this is the moment Jesse and I put a bounty on his friendship and that is not what happened but I digress.

Eventually Jesse and I befriended a few of the guys from fall workouts. We even went so far as to have dinner with a few them (like a group date from The Bachelor except there's not a rose or Chris Harrison or fancy clothes). A trip to Europe for myself in January became a turning point. I hadn't gone out much in college to that point. Well I decided it was a way to meet people and get the full college experience.

One night, in a poorly lit bar that shall go unnamed, I was in line for the bathroom with my friend Bailey. I distinctly remember having to pee really bad. Well, one of my befriended track guy friends asked if I wanted to dance. I chose dancing over going to the bathroom (I always recommend peeing over dancing, for the record) but it worked out because we're getting married in 374 days. I'm not counting, I have an app to tell me.

So maybe you're wondering why I talked about the girl who isn't ready to get married I met this week. The short answer is that was me not many years ago. I was the one pretty sure I would die alone and leave money to some charity. But here I am. Don't sell yourself short. You will find someone. Think of the weirdest couple you know: they found each other so you can find someone too. It might be somewhere unglamorous like a college bar or somewhere wonderful like an adult bar with good food and an official happy hour. I don't know. The possibilities are endless.

And I've been a pretty stressful person this week so thanks to my wonderful fiancé for being patient and being great cheerleader. You're the best!

Just Hanging On

I haven't written in several months. I'm well aware. Life has been busy which shouldn't be an excuse but I'm going to stick with it. Here's the deal: since my last blog post I got engaged, changed jobs, studied full time since job change, was the maid of honor in a wedding, took three financial tests, and became a hermit to avoid the heat. I am out of the loop with the top songs on the radio and what is going on with the government. These seem insignificant until you go months at a time without being in the know. I have avoided blogging because I did not know exactly what life update and advice I could pass along. I did not want to face the reality of providing a life update at a time I was in chaos and uncertainty.

In short, wedding planning and new work have taken over my life to a level I could not have dreamed. The short synopsis of wedding planning thus far is that a lot is done. We have picked a date, location, bridal party, dress, colors, food (kinda), and other things I'm not sharing before the guests see it for themselves. It is fun but stressful. I don't even begin to know how much is still left to do. I bought a wedding planning binder but I haven't looked at it much. You begin to realize how much you do and do not care about certain things and do not need a list telling you what to do. I don't care about table runners but my mom does so we are having table runners. My fiance is a good sport and is letting me make most decisions. He knows that wedding day logistics matter more to me than to him. I ask for feedback and he provides it accordingly. It is a lot of odd compromises that come together to form a full day in the end.

But the new job. I was at my old job from July 2016 to May 2017. It was boring cubicle job where I wasn't making myself any better and I wasn't helping enough people directly. I wanted to leave it sooner but I struggled to find something I liked and something I had a few qualifications for. HR departments did not want to gamble on a psychology major with health and religion minors who listed architecture photography, park and recreation, and cubicle experience under skills and activities. I was a hodge podge of talents without a directed focus and plan. Eventually I applied for a financial services company and was hired on as a full time studier for the summer. Industry regulations require some standardized testing before becoming an official representative. Part of my hermit summer could be chalked up to studying for tests full time. I was at the Urbandale library often enough the workers noticed my haircut and when I sat at a table other than my usual one. Studying went ok. It was difficult and not fun.

The sense of impending failure was imminent as I studied. I had a hard time telling people what I was doing for a living because I didn't want to tell them about my job, only to turn around in a few months and say I was unemployed. What would I put on resume? "Unsuccessfully studied for securities exam and failed with flying colors?" I kept to myself because I didn't want to admit failure ahead. If no one knew the job was even on the table it would be easier to tell them about the next one and leave out the failure part. The good news is I passed the necessary exams and can do my job. I still struggle with admitting my work to people because the sense of potential embarrassment from failure. It sounds funny to say out loud how worried I was about failing. I was not one to fail things (minus a college biology test once, but that is another story) and this would be my biggest failure to date. I can't tell you how many times I was told in school to have no fear of failure but it was impossible this summer. Anything could happen and I had no back up plan.

I had two tests to take and was extremely uneasy about the first one. My practice test scores were low and my mentor monitoring my progress through the study program was encouraging but not optimistic. We spoke to the reality of not passing. I was so convinced I wasn't going to pass I was job searching the night before the test. I passed; not with flying colors, but that final computer screen said "pass" and that is really all that matters. I took my second test and failed. I could tell as I took it I was going to fail. It was a very factual feeling. It wasn't a matter of being under prepared but rather what I had studied based on the program was not what showed up on the test. Oh well. I was a mess. I cried the 20 minute drive home from the test center and was so distraught I started to head west on the interstate instead of east toward home (having been to the testing center several times before).

Cole and I headed to the Twin Cities after my test and I was still quite upset but ready to not think about securities regulation for four straight days. I happened to meet another representative from my company that night and we talked through the tests and how miserable they were. I didn't quite have the heart to tell him I failed one that morning. He disclosed he had also failed the same test I had and it provided more comfort than I could have gotten anywhere else. I was able to take a different test the following week that would satisfy industry requirements for now. I have another one to take at a later date but I will be prepared for that level of difficulty this time around.

The reality is career changes are terrifying in a lot of ways. Nobody wants to admit they failed anything. I can hope that I become successful and it will make my uneasiness about this potential career failure seem like small potatoes. I have a postcard hanging in my office that says, "90% of life is about hanging on." It has become my new career motto. Sometimes just a little belief in yourself can go a long way. If I just keep moving forward I will be ok. If you need me, I'll be just hanging on.

DSM: The Smallest City

I joined a church recently. Nothing fancy but I didn't know which one to choose. Like any good millennial I Googled "Lutheran churches near me" and went the following Sunday to the closest one. It worked out well. I happened to sit by the pastor's wife and she went to Luther. One of her best friends in college was my high school calculus teacher. The world already felt small. A quick glance around the church I realized I recognized another Luther grad that I had met at a random bar in Des Moines almost a month ago. Saw another Luther family in the church parking lot who's daughter ran track with me in college. Of all the churches, Lutheran or otherwise, I had managed to pick one where I had small string of connections. It was cute. It was fun. I liked finding Luther people outside the Twin Cities, since it seemed like most of them went there after graduation.

Like any good Lutheran in a small church, a woman came up to me at the end of the service last week and said, "You must be new here because I've never seen you before." A part of me giggled because the moment was "so Lutheran" but I continued on because everyone I had met at the church was nice so far. I explained that I was relatively new to Des Moines and had been looking around for a church when I came across this one. I had been meaning to start coming to church for awhile but a series of plumbing issues on Sundays that lasted a month and half had prevented me up to that point. She asked if I was from the neighborhood because she lived nearby years ago. I said I did live quite close. She told me when she lived nearby she had had plumbing trouble as well. She proceeded to tell me the street name. I said I lived on that same street. She asked me the number so I told her. March 19, 2017, will go down as the strangest day in the history of my life because at church I met one of the previous owners of my house. She had lived in that very house in the late 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. I threw out an invitation to have her over and see the place now. She was delighted. The conversation came naturally and neither one of knew when it started that we would have so much in common.

What are the odds a woman approaches me and asked where I live? And then proceeds to tell me she used to live there? I can't even fathom how that is possible. The Des Moines metro population is 622,899. It does not seem possible for our paths to cross let alone discover we share an address in history.

Homeownership Owns Us Pt. 1

Back in December Cole (and me kinda, but not in the legal or financial sense) bought a house. We had some done some math and figured out a price point where our house payment each month would be about the same cost as rent; we would actually be able to build something with our lives instead of throwing money aimlessly at rent each month. It only made sense.

Our house hunting adventure began in October. We saw some great houses in bad neighborhoods and horrific houses in great neighborhoods. We finally found the house we bought: it was a decent house that needed some manageable TLC in a nice neighborhood. We jumped at it. Fast forward through packing up an apartment with a puppy reopening every box we packed, and moving across town in a sleet/snow/ice storm: we made it. We had a new house; we had new furniture; we had a backyard for our dog. We thought we were on the fast track to living the dream.

During our clean up and small fixer upper projects my dad repeatedly mentioned that, "You don't own the house; the house owns you." Two weeks after we moved in we did laundry for the first time (because we didn't have a working dryer up until that point) and the carpet was wet in our basement. We had never done laundry and showered and run our dishwasher all in a short window of time. We figured that was probably it and a relatively simple fix: only do one of those at a time. Well it kept happening even if we only did laundry. Or took a long shower. We called a plumber and he replaced part of a pipe he thought might be leaking. Thought the problem was solved and we could go back to our lives. Well it kept happening. Our carpet was wet for unexplained reasons.

We had a sewer guy come over and he ran a snake down the sewer line. He couldn't find any trouble and thought he might have broken up a clot or wiped away some build up. Little did we know he would show up 6 more times in our lives. Every Sunday or Monday we were calling him to snake our sewer line so that we could function. This went on for several weeks. Between Cole and I we missed a fair amount of work, sitting at home waiting for plumbers to show up. We met some very nice plumbers along the way who offered us way more discounts on their services than were necessary but were greatly appreciated.

One night our pipe got so full of water from our sump pump emptying into it, we had to bale water out of the basement from noon to 5AM the next day. It was horrible. The sump pump was going off every 15 minutes. So every 15 minutes we rushed into our laundry room and filled a few buckets with water. We walked them up and out of the basement into the backyard. Cole and I took shifts so that we each got some sleep out of the deal. The phrase "sump pump" still gives me a bit of anxiety now. For the days following the sump pump incident I would panic at work at the sound of a toilet flushing. It will go down as one of the weirdest nights of my life.

The only reason we waited so long to fix the sewer line was because we were advised to purchase insurance that would pay for the cost of replacing the sewer line. Well, we got the wrong insurance (thought we had the right one) and just had to go for it. Come February 13th our entire yard was dug up only to determine that 5 feet of pipe in the boulevard had collapsed and needed to be replaced. We now have a very large mound of dirt in our front yard that is ever so slowly going down. But we have working sewer line and that's all that matters.

So right now, the house owns us. A lot. Eventually we will own enough of it to outweigh the early struggles. It is still really fun. We can put a hole in the wall to hang a picture if we want and we won't get fined. A couple weeks ago we decided spur of the moment to paint a navy blue room light green–simply because we could and no one said we couldn't. It's great. We have a dog, a house, a bunch of freedom...And it's pretty cool.

2-13-2017

3-19-2017

Phipps Phamily

Last Saturday my grandma Linda passed away; she was 92 years old and her death was not sudden. That does not make it any less sad but 7 hours alone in the car gave me ample time for reflection. I got to see most of my cousins this weekend. This is the first time in over a decade I have seen a few of them. Others I saw a couple years ago for my grandma's 90th birthday party. They are a hilarious bunch and I wish we got together more often.

Here's the kicker: we are spread out in age and geography. My oldest cousin is closing in on 50 and my brother (the youngest cousin) just turned 21. We're spread out over almost 30 years. To say we don't have a lot in common is an understatement. We are scattered all around the United States. Many are in Iowa, there's the Montana contingent, then a Colorado, Nebraska, North Carolina, and Wisconsin. I think that's everybody. Sorry if I missed someone's state. We only get together for funerals, weddings, and major milestone birthday parties. It's tough to coordinate schedules, flights, and days off but we do the best we can.

Cousins (most of us anyway)

A good portion of the Phipps family

Keeping all this in mind, we do share one thing in common regardless of age and geography. We share the same set of grandparents. Our grandparents were wonderful people and while they are neither one are here on earth, they are finally back together. Even if their grandchildren are spread out in age, there are certain characteristics about our grandparents that I imagine have not changed throughout our lives.

1. Crazy Bee Rummy: this is a card game very similar to Phase 10. I don't know when they got the game but I plan to track down my own copy of the game because it was fun and easy to play. We played it every holiday and it had to be played in marathon form. It never went quickly because we usually played with a lot of people. We all have our own favorite memory of playing the game with Grandma and Grandpa.

2. Birthday cakes are extra special when your grandma was a cake decorator for a living: We each had our fair share of fancy birthday cakes, decorated to honor of our favorite hobbies, sports teams, and games. I spent most of my life thinking my first birthday cake was special. Turns out we all the same one. Grandma went so far as to mail birthday cakes if she couldn't be there to deliver it herself. Not that that method worked out really well, but it's the thought that counts.

3. Quilts: Grandma was a very accomplished quilter and made one for each of her grandkids. Her sewing room was always overtaken with family at holidays but Grandma made sure her quilting supplies were in a nice stopping place. I have a quilt made of my mom's childhood clothes. I also took one from her apartment that she was going to give away. It looks straight from the 70s and everyone that uses it smirks at the coloring. It is special nonetheless.

4. Black raspberries: I was personally never old enough to go out into the woods and pick black raspberries with Grandpa but I definitely ate my fair share of berries when he came back. Even now my mom puts them on ice cream because she's eaten them that way for years. There was always homemade black raspberry jam at Grandma and Grandpa's house too. Every time I see black raspberries in the grocery store I smile.

5. Family picture shelf: Grandma and Grandpa were always proud of their family. Always. And when you have 6 kids and 15 grandkids you have to put all their pictures on display. They had shelves at their house where they kept all their family pictures. The grandchildren were divided into 2 shelves: school pictures and wedding photos. Your senior photo stayed on the grandchild shelf until you got married and then you moved to the other side of the TV to the married children shelf. It was big deal.

~~~~~

I can still smell Grandma's Estee Lauder perfume. I giggle every time I picture the bull slippers Grandpa owned. I thank them both for inspiring my cow themed kitchen. Once a year I try to eat grapefruit because we always had it for breakfast at Christmas (I'll eat one and then bail on my plan). Out of habit I always have 3 cans of tuna, just like Grandma. Sometimes I forget how fresh Honey Nut Cheerios can be because they were always stale at the house. I cannot believe we used to play hide and seek in a single level house. They had the coolest bin of plastic figurines and toys and Grandma always made sure to have it out before we got there. We all played with the duck pull behind toy at kids. Every time I see an elderly woman wearing pantyhose in the summer I picture Grandma too.

Our grandparents were special. We meant the world to them and they meant the world to us. As sad as it is they are both gone, they are together again–which has been Grandma's wish for the last decade and I'm happy she finally got her wish.