This past weekend I went to a wedding of someone I didn't know. I was a plus one to a wedding to a long time family friend of my fiancé's family. It was a nice opportunity to attend a wedding and take notes for my own because I didn't know the couple. It was an unbiased chance to look at design elements, program wording, and timeline layout without considering how much it represented the couple.
I had a conversation with other guests during the cocktail hour about the comparisons and judgements at weddings. I had to laugh as the man commented that his daughters better have flawless weddings because they always had something negative to say about other people's nuptials. It got me thinking: we all do it. We walk away having something bad to say. The bride and groom and their families put a lot of time and effort into this day for every guest to rip it to shreds.
The wedding I most recently attended was actually quite lovely. With the exception of the microphone not working while the bride and groom recited their personally written vows, the rest of the day was great. The church was appropriately sized for the size of the wedding. The bridesmaids had cute dresses they all looked good in and carried a simple arrangement of flowers. The groomsmen looked quite spiffy in their tuxes. The reception space was downtown and quite hip (little jealous of the original floor tile; wish I had that in my bathroom at home) with more than enough space for all the guests. I had a great meal of chicken and the pasta helping for the alternate entrée was massive. We had donuts for a cute and personal reason to the couple. The dance had an extremely high participation rate; more than half the guests were out there busting moves. I'm quite sure the groom's family is in a swing dance club because they all knew how to do it.
I walked away with a plethora of ideas: how to do a receiving line, songs I had completely forgotten about but needed to be on my wedding dance list, a plan of attack for RSVP card wording so that I knew who would be showing up and what they wanted to eat. The list goes on and on. I saw different set ups for aspects I hadn't even considered but will definitely need to, like place cards and diagrams for seating arrangements. And I too walked away with my judgements. I wouldn't call them bad; the wedding was fabulous itself. I would call my opinions my preferences. I wouldn't "fill in the blank" that way for my own wedding but it worked for them. It did not take away from the wedding experience. The efficiency freak within me didn't like how particular things were laid out but other guests didn't seem to notice or mind. My opinions simply didn't need to be shared, nor did anyone else's.
We all find nitpicky things to lock in on at weddings. It's become a habit for many people. As soon as we leave the ceremony/cocktail/reception/dance space we spill every critical detail we were holding inside. In reality, we all have preferences and they don't have to line up with the bride and groom's. The bride and groom had a blast on their big day and no one's opinion is going to ruin the joy they felt that day.
Monday, August 14, 2017
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Why yes, we did meet on the track team...
The other night I went to a networking event for young professionals in the Des Moines area. I entered the building with a few other girls who looked about my age. They had just graduated from Iowa State in the spring and were excited about their first jobs out of college; their enthusiasm was cute as they talked about having work phones, professional clothes, and business cards. We were swapping stories about our personal lives when one of them noticed my engagement ring. She thought it was gorgeous and couldn't get over how pretty it was. At this time I will thank my fiancé for buying a lovely ring (side note: I took him to a jewelry store to show him exactly what I wanted but he had to go buy it all by himself, something I highly recommend to all people dating that are considering engagement ring shopping alone vs. together).
Anyway, back to the girl who loved my ring. She said something that struck me as funny. She quite simply stated, "I'm not even close to getting engaged." She has been with her boyfriend a few months now but doesn't feel ready to be attached for life. To each their own on their relationship path; if you're happy I can get behind your happiness. I started thinking about my own relationship (and wedding website that is a work in progress) and how I got to this point.
I was not one to have lots of boyfriends in high school (or even middle school for that matter). I just wasn't. I had friends that were girls and I liked hanging out with the guys I went to high school with but many of them were tied to girls in other grades or had their sights set on someone unattainable. I went to college pretty much convinced I would die with a couple pets and spend a lot of time reading. Quite sure my family put down bets one year as to when I would get married with the earliest date being like 2040. During my freshman year of college the number of guys available to me increased immensely. There were several nice guys on campus but lots of girls liked them and I didn't stand a chance.
I ran track my freshman year as well. There was this random guy that was a sprinter and he was kinda scary looking because he didn't smile much and he was really good at the 100 meter dash. There was running joke about him being a convict because he had big arms and a tattoo. I think I knew his name. He definitely didn't know mine. Fast forward to the fall and my friend Jesse and I decided to make a habit of attending offseason fall workouts pretty religiously. We also decided to befriend some of the other guys there (there was only 1 other girl and we were already her friend). One guy was named Cole. Cole will tell you this is the moment Jesse and I put a bounty on his friendship and that is not what happened but I digress.
Eventually Jesse and I befriended a few of the guys from fall workouts. We even went so far as to have dinner with a few them (like a group date from The Bachelor except there's not a rose or Chris Harrison or fancy clothes). A trip to Europe for myself in January became a turning point. I hadn't gone out much in college to that point. Well I decided it was a way to meet people and get the full college experience.
One night, in a poorly lit bar that shall go unnamed, I was in line for the bathroom with my friend Bailey. I distinctly remember having to pee really bad. Well, one of my befriended track guy friends asked if I wanted to dance. I chose dancing over going to the bathroom (I always recommend peeing over dancing, for the record) but it worked out because we're getting married in 374 days. I'm not counting, I have an app to tell me.
So maybe you're wondering why I talked about the girl who isn't ready to get married I met this week. The short answer is that was me not many years ago. I was the one pretty sure I would die alone and leave money to some charity. But here I am. Don't sell yourself short. You will find someone. Think of the weirdest couple you know: they found each other so you can find someone too. It might be somewhere unglamorous like a college bar or somewhere wonderful like an adult bar with good food and an official happy hour. I don't know. The possibilities are endless.
And I've been a pretty stressful person this week so thanks to my wonderful fiancé for being patient and being great cheerleader. You're the best!
Anyway, back to the girl who loved my ring. She said something that struck me as funny. She quite simply stated, "I'm not even close to getting engaged." She has been with her boyfriend a few months now but doesn't feel ready to be attached for life. To each their own on their relationship path; if you're happy I can get behind your happiness. I started thinking about my own relationship (and wedding website that is a work in progress) and how I got to this point.
I was not one to have lots of boyfriends in high school (or even middle school for that matter). I just wasn't. I had friends that were girls and I liked hanging out with the guys I went to high school with but many of them were tied to girls in other grades or had their sights set on someone unattainable. I went to college pretty much convinced I would die with a couple pets and spend a lot of time reading. Quite sure my family put down bets one year as to when I would get married with the earliest date being like 2040. During my freshman year of college the number of guys available to me increased immensely. There were several nice guys on campus but lots of girls liked them and I didn't stand a chance.
I ran track my freshman year as well. There was this random guy that was a sprinter and he was kinda scary looking because he didn't smile much and he was really good at the 100 meter dash. There was running joke about him being a convict because he had big arms and a tattoo. I think I knew his name. He definitely didn't know mine. Fast forward to the fall and my friend Jesse and I decided to make a habit of attending offseason fall workouts pretty religiously. We also decided to befriend some of the other guys there (there was only 1 other girl and we were already her friend). One guy was named Cole. Cole will tell you this is the moment Jesse and I put a bounty on his friendship and that is not what happened but I digress.
Eventually Jesse and I befriended a few of the guys from fall workouts. We even went so far as to have dinner with a few them (like a group date from The Bachelor except there's not a rose or Chris Harrison or fancy clothes). A trip to Europe for myself in January became a turning point. I hadn't gone out much in college to that point. Well I decided it was a way to meet people and get the full college experience.
One night, in a poorly lit bar that shall go unnamed, I was in line for the bathroom with my friend Bailey. I distinctly remember having to pee really bad. Well, one of my befriended track guy friends asked if I wanted to dance. I chose dancing over going to the bathroom (I always recommend peeing over dancing, for the record) but it worked out because we're getting married in 374 days. I'm not counting, I have an app to tell me.
So maybe you're wondering why I talked about the girl who isn't ready to get married I met this week. The short answer is that was me not many years ago. I was the one pretty sure I would die alone and leave money to some charity. But here I am. Don't sell yourself short. You will find someone. Think of the weirdest couple you know: they found each other so you can find someone too. It might be somewhere unglamorous like a college bar or somewhere wonderful like an adult bar with good food and an official happy hour. I don't know. The possibilities are endless.
And I've been a pretty stressful person this week so thanks to my wonderful fiancé for being patient and being great cheerleader. You're the best!
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Just Hanging On
I haven't written in several months. I'm well aware. Life has been busy which shouldn't be an excuse but I'm going to stick with it. Here's the deal: since my last blog post I got engaged, changed jobs, studied full time since job change, was the maid of honor in a wedding, took three financial tests, and became a hermit to avoid the heat. I am out of the loop with the top songs on the radio and what is going on with the government. These seem insignificant until you go months at a time without being in the know. I have avoided blogging because I did not know exactly what life update and advice I could pass along. I did not want to face the reality of providing a life update at a time I was in chaos and uncertainty.
In short, wedding planning and new work have taken over my life to a level I could not have dreamed. The short synopsis of wedding planning thus far is that a lot is done. We have picked a date, location, bridal party, dress, colors, food (kinda), and other things I'm not sharing before the guests see it for themselves. It is fun but stressful. I don't even begin to know how much is still left to do. I bought a wedding planning binder but I haven't looked at it much. You begin to realize how much you do and do not care about certain things and do not need a list telling you what to do. I don't care about table runners but my mom does so we are having table runners. My fiance is a good sport and is letting me make most decisions. He knows that wedding day logistics matter more to me than to him. I ask for feedback and he provides it accordingly. It is a lot of odd compromises that come together to form a full day in the end.
But the new job. I was at my old job from July 2016 to May 2017. It was boring cubicle job where I wasn't making myself any better and I wasn't helping enough people directly. I wanted to leave it sooner but I struggled to find something I liked and something I had a few qualifications for. HR departments did not want to gamble on a psychology major with health and religion minors who listed architecture photography, park and recreation, and cubicle experience under skills and activities. I was a hodge podge of talents without a directed focus and plan. Eventually I applied for a financial services company and was hired on as a full time studier for the summer. Industry regulations require some standardized testing before becoming an official representative. Part of my hermit summer could be chalked up to studying for tests full time. I was at the Urbandale library often enough the workers noticed my haircut and when I sat at a table other than my usual one. Studying went ok. It was difficult and not fun.
The sense of impending failure was imminent as I studied. I had a hard time telling people what I was doing for a living because I didn't want to tell them about my job, only to turn around in a few months and say I was unemployed. What would I put on resume? "Unsuccessfully studied for securities exam and failed with flying colors?" I kept to myself because I didn't want to admit failure ahead. If no one knew the job was even on the table it would be easier to tell them about the next one and leave out the failure part. The good news is I passed the necessary exams and can do my job. I still struggle with admitting my work to people because the sense of potential embarrassment from failure. It sounds funny to say out loud how worried I was about failing. I was not one to fail things (minus a college biology test once, but that is another story) and this would be my biggest failure to date. I can't tell you how many times I was told in school to have no fear of failure but it was impossible this summer. Anything could happen and I had no back up plan.
I had two tests to take and was extremely uneasy about the first one. My practice test scores were low and my mentor monitoring my progress through the study program was encouraging but not optimistic. We spoke to the reality of not passing. I was so convinced I wasn't going to pass I was job searching the night before the test. I passed; not with flying colors, but that final computer screen said "pass" and that is really all that matters. I took my second test and failed. I could tell as I took it I was going to fail. It was a very factual feeling. It wasn't a matter of being under prepared but rather what I had studied based on the program was not what showed up on the test. Oh well. I was a mess. I cried the 20 minute drive home from the test center and was so distraught I started to head west on the interstate instead of east toward home (having been to the testing center several times before).
Cole and I headed to the Twin Cities after my test and I was still quite upset but ready to not think about securities regulation for four straight days. I happened to meet another representative from my company that night and we talked through the tests and how miserable they were. I didn't quite have the heart to tell him I failed one that morning. He disclosed he had also failed the same test I had and it provided more comfort than I could have gotten anywhere else. I was able to take a different test the following week that would satisfy industry requirements for now. I have another one to take at a later date but I will be prepared for that level of difficulty this time around.
The reality is career changes are terrifying in a lot of ways. Nobody wants to admit they failed anything. I can hope that I become successful and it will make my uneasiness about this potential career failure seem like small potatoes. I have a postcard hanging in my office that says, "90% of life is about hanging on." It has become my new career motto. Sometimes just a little belief in yourself can go a long way. If I just keep moving forward I will be ok. If you need me, I'll be just hanging on.
In short, wedding planning and new work have taken over my life to a level I could not have dreamed. The short synopsis of wedding planning thus far is that a lot is done. We have picked a date, location, bridal party, dress, colors, food (kinda), and other things I'm not sharing before the guests see it for themselves. It is fun but stressful. I don't even begin to know how much is still left to do. I bought a wedding planning binder but I haven't looked at it much. You begin to realize how much you do and do not care about certain things and do not need a list telling you what to do. I don't care about table runners but my mom does so we are having table runners. My fiance is a good sport and is letting me make most decisions. He knows that wedding day logistics matter more to me than to him. I ask for feedback and he provides it accordingly. It is a lot of odd compromises that come together to form a full day in the end.
But the new job. I was at my old job from July 2016 to May 2017. It was boring cubicle job where I wasn't making myself any better and I wasn't helping enough people directly. I wanted to leave it sooner but I struggled to find something I liked and something I had a few qualifications for. HR departments did not want to gamble on a psychology major with health and religion minors who listed architecture photography, park and recreation, and cubicle experience under skills and activities. I was a hodge podge of talents without a directed focus and plan. Eventually I applied for a financial services company and was hired on as a full time studier for the summer. Industry regulations require some standardized testing before becoming an official representative. Part of my hermit summer could be chalked up to studying for tests full time. I was at the Urbandale library often enough the workers noticed my haircut and when I sat at a table other than my usual one. Studying went ok. It was difficult and not fun.
The sense of impending failure was imminent as I studied. I had a hard time telling people what I was doing for a living because I didn't want to tell them about my job, only to turn around in a few months and say I was unemployed. What would I put on resume? "Unsuccessfully studied for securities exam and failed with flying colors?" I kept to myself because I didn't want to admit failure ahead. If no one knew the job was even on the table it would be easier to tell them about the next one and leave out the failure part. The good news is I passed the necessary exams and can do my job. I still struggle with admitting my work to people because the sense of potential embarrassment from failure. It sounds funny to say out loud how worried I was about failing. I was not one to fail things (minus a college biology test once, but that is another story) and this would be my biggest failure to date. I can't tell you how many times I was told in school to have no fear of failure but it was impossible this summer. Anything could happen and I had no back up plan.
I had two tests to take and was extremely uneasy about the first one. My practice test scores were low and my mentor monitoring my progress through the study program was encouraging but not optimistic. We spoke to the reality of not passing. I was so convinced I wasn't going to pass I was job searching the night before the test. I passed; not with flying colors, but that final computer screen said "pass" and that is really all that matters. I took my second test and failed. I could tell as I took it I was going to fail. It was a very factual feeling. It wasn't a matter of being under prepared but rather what I had studied based on the program was not what showed up on the test. Oh well. I was a mess. I cried the 20 minute drive home from the test center and was so distraught I started to head west on the interstate instead of east toward home (having been to the testing center several times before).
Cole and I headed to the Twin Cities after my test and I was still quite upset but ready to not think about securities regulation for four straight days. I happened to meet another representative from my company that night and we talked through the tests and how miserable they were. I didn't quite have the heart to tell him I failed one that morning. He disclosed he had also failed the same test I had and it provided more comfort than I could have gotten anywhere else. I was able to take a different test the following week that would satisfy industry requirements for now. I have another one to take at a later date but I will be prepared for that level of difficulty this time around.
The reality is career changes are terrifying in a lot of ways. Nobody wants to admit they failed anything. I can hope that I become successful and it will make my uneasiness about this potential career failure seem like small potatoes. I have a postcard hanging in my office that says, "90% of life is about hanging on." It has become my new career motto. Sometimes just a little belief in yourself can go a long way. If I just keep moving forward I will be ok. If you need me, I'll be just hanging on.
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