TV shows like "Friends," "How I Met Your Mother," and "New Girl," while all wonderful shows I have binge watched on Netflix, give young adults unrealistic expectations about moving into apartment complexes in new cities. I did not choose this city because it was near my hometown or because my roommates and I decided it would be a good place to start our adult lives. Pretty sure the first time I talked to any of my neighbors was once I had a dog and they thought she was cute. They asked if they could pet her. Of all my neighbors I think I know 3 of their names.
I have a strange set of apartment neighbors, let me tell you. We have very little in common with each other, starting with stage in life and continuing into our different lifestyles. I have a little family of 4 soon to be 5 downstairs, a middle aged woman upstairs (she will talk your arm off if she sees you), a couple that works weird/night schedules and a couple of kids, two guys with a couple girlfriends/kids/dogs/ I don't really understand the dynamics of upstairs, and a revolving door of men from India in which no one lives here more than 2 months. I don't know any of them exceptionally well. They are all friendly enough to hold the door for me if my arms are full of groceries. We smile if we are in the parking lot at the same time. But we definitely don't hangout like old pals. I've never seen the inside of their units and they've never been in mine. We are amicable but not BFFs. It's probably ok this way. I did recently learn that two I work with live at my complex. I might have to capitalize on them but I have no idea how much we have in common besides a workplace and an apartment complex. Results pending.
My best friend currently lives 5 hours and 11 minutes away; my college roommates live 2 hours and 8 minutes and 7 hours and 43 minutes away. I do not live with the people I am closest too. (For now, ignore the fact that I live with my boyfriend. I'll come back to it.) I am not living with people whose presence I enjoy on a daily basis. Sure we text everyday (and the Roomie groupchat will probably always exist because we need a quality gossip spot) but that is not the same as living with each other, having breakfast every morning, and getting ready for bed each night. Every night of college is a slumber party with your best friends. And then one day you graduate and your best friends are gone. You move to a new city and have one or two friends tops; and these friends might not be your best/favorite but you take what you can get. You start a new job and find yourself with people you know nothing about; bridging the gaps can be tough. Every day of college you had friends all around. The real world has a plethora of acquaintances and very few best friends. You treasure the time you spend with the friends you've known longer than a few weeks; you eagerly anticipate and count down the days until you get to see them again.
Personally I have struggled most in the area of friendship as an adult. I know very few people in Des Moines. Sure, I live with my boyfriend but we don't actually spend much time together during the week because he travels frequently for work and we each get home late. After we quickly eat dinner, we hang out with our dog, and soon enough it's time for bed and we do it all over the next day. We value weekends where we can spend quality time together but even that gets filled with errands we can't get to during the week.
Right now I also work in a cubicle. I thought I would like it but I don't. I won't lie. A cubicle makes workplace friendships extra challenging to develop because extreme isolation develops. Not only are you a new employee but you often don't get introduced to many people in a cubicle setting. Workplace socializing is rather frowned upon (I have emails to back up that statement) so really the only times I talk to people are when I have a question or problem; I know even less about my coworkers than I do my neighbors. Sometimes I talk to the people near me because we overhear each other on the phones and we have some strange/outrageous/comical conversations. Other than that, I can go all day without really talking to anyone.
I am certainly not an extrovert but I do enjoy spending time with people I like. I would like to think I'm on my way to making one adult friend (but that's only because she was a high school friend of my boyfriend) but one friend is hardly enough to satisfy the human need to socialize. Trust me when I say I'm looking into ways to make friends. I meet lots of cool people at the dog park and I have done some research about a metro knitting club (they meet in mall food courts around the area). I am also trying to forge regular lunch meet ups at work and plan puppy play dates at the dog park. I might start going to the library writing and scrapbook clubs–don't worry they meet on different Saturdays each month so I can go to both!
So all you college students out there, hug your roommates and enjoy their presence (even when you think they are annoying and you just want some peace) because soon enough you are all by yourself and will wish for your people to be minutes away. Friendships are always a challenge but are worth forging and maintaining.
No comments:
Post a Comment